Jade LEIGH Wood

JADE-LEIGH WOOD WAS MY DAUGHTER SHE WAS BORN ON THE 22ND OF MARCH 1990 AND SHE DIED AGED FIVE ON THE 28TH OF JULY 1995.
WE LIVED IN LEEDS IN A PLACE CALLED HOLBECK WE HAD A HOUSE FIRE AND JADE WAS KILLED.
HER 8 MONTH OLD BROTHER SHAUN SURVIVED AND HE IS NOW 12.
JADE MEANT EVERYTHING TO US AND IT IS VERY HARD TO LIVE OUR LIVES WITHOUT HER PEOPLE SAY THAT IT GETS EASIER BUT IT HAS NOW BEEN 12 YEARS ALMOST SINCE SHE DIED AND IT HASN'T GOT ANY EASIER YET.
JADE WOULD HAVE BEEN 17 THIS YEAR AND I LOOK AT GIRLS THAT ARE AROUND HER AGE NOW AND I WONDER IF SHE WOULD BE THE SAME AS THEM WOULD SHE DO THE SAME THINGS WOULD SHE STILL HAVE THE CHEEKY CHARM THAT SHE HAD WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL BUT I WILL NEVER KNOW AND IT HURTS A LOT.
I CANT BELIEVE THAT I STOOD AND WATCHED MY BABY DIE IN THAT HOSPITAL BED IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE OTHER WAY ROUND SHE SHOULD HAVE HAD HER LIFE THEN WHEN IT WAS MY TURN TO GO IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY DAUGHTER WHO BURIED ME,AND THAT IS THE HARDEST THING TO ACCEPT THAT HER LIFE HAD BARELY BEGUN BEFORE IT WAS TAKEN AWAY.
I THINK JADE WAS AN ANGEL THAT WAS ONLY LENT TO ME FOR A SHORT WHILE TO HELP ME SORT MY LIFE OUT AND ONCE SHE HAD DONE HER JOB GOD CALLED HER BACK.
THAT IS THE ONLY WAY OF DEALING WITH MY DAUGHTERS DEATH THAT I HAVE AND IF IT WASN'T FOR MY SON I THINK I WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED HER.
IT WAS FRIDAY THE 7TH OF JULY AND WE GOT A PHONE CALL TO SAY MY HUSBANDS FATHER HAD DIED OF LUNG CANCER WE ARRANGED HIS FUNERAL FOR THE WEEK AFTER AND WE BURIED HIM ON FRIDAY THE 14TH OF JULY JADE SAID AT HIS FUNERAL THAT SHE WANTED TO SEE HER GRANDAD AGAIN.
ON FRIDAY THE 21ST OF JULY IT WAS VERY HOT MY SON HAD KEPT US AWAKE ALL NIGHT AS HE WAS JUST A BABY AT THE TIME SO WE ALL TOOK A NAP IN THE AFTERNOON.
I WOKE TO MY HUSBAND SCREAMING IT'S ON FIRE I COULD HEAR MY DAUGHTER SCREAMING MUMMY HELP ME I TRIED TO GET TO THE ATTIC BUT THE FLAMES WERE TOO MUCH THE FIRE BRIGADE CAME AND CARRIED MY DAUGHTERS LIFELESS BODY DOWN THE STAIRS,THEY REVIVED HER ON THE FOOTPATH OUTSIDE.
I WAS SPEAKING TO JADE IN THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE SHE SAID IT DIDN'T HURT ANY MORE,WHEN WE GOT TO THE LEEDS GENERAL INFIRMARY THEY SAID SHE WAS 36% BURNED AND STOOD A VERY GOOD CHANCE OF SURVIVING THE BURN.
THEY INDUCED A COMA SO SHE DIDN'T FEEL ANY PAIN AND SENT HER IN ANOTHER AMBULANCE TO PINDERFIELDS BURNS UNIT IN WAKEFIELD,WHEN SHE ARRIVED THERE THEY SAID SHE WAS 90% BURNED AND WOULD NOT SURVIVE THE NIGHT.
JADE SURVIVED AND FOUGHT LIKE A TROOPER TO HOLD ON TO HER PRECIOUS LIFE BUT SADLY LOST HER FIGHT ON FRIDAY THE 28TH OF JULY.
JULY IS NOT A GOOD MONTH FOR ME NOW AND I DREAD IT COMING AROUND.
I HAVE NOT LEFT THE HOUSE FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME SINCE MY BABY DIED 12 YEARS AGO,I DONT FEEL THE SAME WITHOUT HER I FEEL EMPTY INSIDE MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT 12 YEARS AGO AND IF IT WASN'T FOR THE STRENGTH OF MY HUSBAND AND THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MY SON I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE.
I AM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE.


HERES A LETTER I WROTE TO JADE IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING:

dear jade,
i'm writing this letter to you on the eve of your 17th birthday.
I just want to let you know what you did for me as i never got the chance to tell you before you were spirited away to heaven by the angels.
when i was a little girl my dad did some really terrible things to me so when i finally got the courage to leave home i went into self destruct, i suffered from terrible depression and tried to kill my self on several occasions.
Then i got mixed up with the wrong crowd and started to drink very heavily, then came the drugs i started by smoking cannabis and then graduated to amphetamines which in turn took me through the stage of taking different pills and before i knew it i was injecting heroin.
Then i met your dad and a few months later i went to the doctors feeling quite sick in the mornings, and yes you guessed it he told me i was pregnant i couldn't believe it how could i be pregnant with all the drugs and drink it wasn't possible.
The doctor told me that my lifestyle had to change but if i wasn't willing to change then perhaps i should consider a termination, but from the minute i knew i was pregnant i wanted you i told the doctor i was stopping the drink and the drugs and he told me not to do that he said i should be weaned off the drugs slowly as the withdrawal from going cold turkey could cause a miscarriage but i told him i would not put that junk into my body again i did not want my baby born an addict and it was a risk i was willing to take.
I stoped the drugs and the drink straight away i never t5ouched them again, the withdrawal wasn't easy but i knew i had to do it not for my sake but for the life that was growing inside me YOU.
As my pregnancy went on it was clear that there was something wrong so they took me into the hospital and did tests, they told me i had something called fulminating pre eclamptic toxaemia and that my pregnancy could not go any further so i had an emergency section at 36 weeks and you were born 4lbs 5oz you were so tiny and so perfect and you had the most beautiful eyes i had ever seen.I have never felt so much love in all my life it overwhelmed me.The doctors told me that there was nothing wrong with you which was a miracle in itself considering the drugs i had taken, i took you home 10 days later and i was so proud of you i had finally got someone to love that would love me back unconditionally and would not judge me on my past.
I split up from your dad while i was pregnant with you as he was a nasty piece of work, but then when you were 2 i met shaun who brought you up as his own and he was the man you called daddy he loved you as much as i do and once you felt comfortable enough to call him daddy you were inseparable.
Then 4 1/2 years later along came your little brother shaun and you doted on him you were just like his second mummy.
On the 7th of july your grandad charlie died and you took it quite badly.We had grandad charlies funeral on the 14th of july and at the end of the funeral you said that you wanted to see him again and on the 21st of july i woke to you screaming and when i got to the foot of the attic stairs they were engulfed with flames it was like an inferno there was no way i could get to you i could hear you screaming for me to help you but i couldn't get up the stairs i will take those screams to my grave i felt so helpless i knew you were in such pain from your screams and there wasn't a thing i could do.
The fire brigade came and carried your little lifeless body down the stairs and i knew you were dead i was screaming and my feet and legs felt like iron weights i couldn't move they carried you outside and laid you on the path,then a fire man came into the house where i was hysterical and told me they had revived you and you were asking for me, it was like another miracle my legs couldn't carry me to you fast enough they put you in the ambulance and we were all taken to the hospital you were speaking to me in the back of the ambulance and told me that it didn't hurt anymore and that you were hungry and you wanted cornish pasty and chips for your dinner you were so brave.
When we got to the hospital you asked if you could go to the toilet and the nurse said you cant go to the toilet so you would have to do a wee on the bed you were laid on and you said no i cant wee the bed i'm a big girl now i don't wee the bed anymore.They were the last words i heard you speak because they put you into an induced coma and put you on a life support machine.They told me that you had 36% burns and a good chance of surviving the burn.They put you in another ambulance and sent us to pinderfields burns unit in wakefield,when we got there they assessed you and told me that you were now 90% burned and would not survive the night.
We sat with you all night and you proved them all wrong you survived the night the doctors were very shocked that you were still alive on saturday morning but they said that it wouldn't be long and you would probably go down hill and lose your fight sometime that day.
We again sat at your bedside all night and you did it again you proved them wrong because when the doctors did their rounds on sunday morning you were still there you were still alive.
Monday morning came and the doctors couldn't believe it you were still hanging in there but your blood was a problem it wasn't clotting they told us they were going to start operating on your burn that afternoon but there was a risk that you may bleed to death as your blood wasn't clotting, so they took you into the operating theatre and told me it was going to take at least 4 hours and that i should go for a walk to pass the time but i wasn't going anywhere i didn't care how long it took i was going to be there.
one and a half hours later i saw your surgeon come out of the operating theatre and i thought that was it i thought you had lost your fight for life so i told your dad to go and find out what was happening while i prepared myself for the worst.
Then i saw the doctor smile and i felt so relieved when he came to me and told me another miracle had happened and you had survived the operation and there had been no problems.
Over the next couple of days they had problems keeping you warm and kept having to turn up the pressure on the breathing machine up as your lungs had started to get quite hard to inflate.
On friday the 28th of july the doctors said they neede to speak to us, it was then that they told us that they thought a part of your brain called the hypothalamus was damaged and it was up to me to make the decision as to wether or not they should sustain yoour life and try to treat the burn.
I couldn't do it i just wanted you to come home with me i wasn't willing to accept that you were dying so i told them that they had to carry on treating you.They decided to take you back into the operating theatre that afternoon but they told me that if they thought things were going wrong they would bring you straight out and would not give me the choice as there would be no chance of saving you again so they would bring you straight out and let you die with dignity and with people who loved you around you and not alone on an operating table, so i agreed it was hard but because you had pulled off all these little miracles and survived when everyone told us you wouldn't i agreed.
They took you into the operating theatre but not five minutes later did they bring you back out and i knew that you didn't have the strength for another miracle.
They left the breathing machine on but withdrew the drugs that were sustaining your life.
I asked the doctor how long you had left and he said that he didn't know it could take seconds hours days or weeks i cried and told him that i could not stand there and watch you die for weeks i just wasn't strong enough to watch my little girl die.
After about twenty minutes i leaned over the bed and kissed your tiny face i whispered in your ear that it was okay for you to leave that you had suffered enough and that mummy was going to be ok,and that was it at that moment you left your tired little body and went to heaven.
So you see you saved my life you turned me around if it hadn't been for you i would have been dead because of the drink and the drugs and the lifestyle i lead.
I feel so guilty that i couldn't do the same for you that I couldn't save your life.Please Jade know this i tried so hard to save you but i just couldn't.
I want you to know that mummy loves you so so much and i miss you more and more each day and that is why i felt i should write this letter as i will be at your grave tomorrow and it is so hard for me to talk to you and look at your grave i find it easier to express myself in words.
I am sorry i can't talk to you at your graveside your dad can do it but i can't i don't know why so i thought i'd let you know by writing you this letter.
Goodnight God bless sweetheart i miss you.
love
mummy